There's been a 24 hour flu bug flying around Texas this summer, leaving dehydrated and exhausted campers in it's wake. It's possible that I've caught the bug, so i'm staying home today to avoid contaminating anyone.
Yesterday morning I started reading Disciplines for the Inner Life by Bob Benson, Sr. and Michael W. Benson. Valerie recommended it, since it has really great selections from "the greats". The prayer for the day was to really rest in the knowledge that you are heard - that you are in genuine conversation with God Most High. I asked the Lord for that assurance, and then proceeded with my day (and honestly forgot I had asked Him that until later.)
Yesterday was just wearying. I was full of frustrations, the injustices of others, situations I can't fix, and feeling defensive of our program, our community, and my husband. My natural inclination to a troubling situation is to be either all in or all out; and if i can't fix it, then i'm more than likely going to be all out. I discussed this with one of the counselors, and he gently reproved me, "Do not grow weary of doing good."
On the way across the bridge I stopped and complained to God about how I am tired of "doing good", and I just don't want to anymore. He reminded me that if there is any good in me, it's because His Spirit has given it to me. The work that He has for me is what He has appointed and accomplished; I just get to tag along. While on the bridge I could hear Debbie speaking from the River's Edge pavilion (which is unusual; sound does carry, but not usually that far.) So I knew the Lord wanted me to go and listen to her.
And guess what she was talking on? Taking up your cross and following. She asked the question, "What is on your cross?" And I started smiling to myself and to God, thanking Him for the reminder that He really does hear, He really does answer, and I am really heard by Him.
My cross today is to persevere. To not grow weary in doing the good He's prepared for me.
Lord, I'm thankful that this journey is not in my own strength. You give power to the faint, and to those who have no might you increase strength. I'm just in the shadows, Lord. Will you so enable Your Spirit in me to grasp the cross of perseverance, heave it upon His strong shoulder while allowing me to hide in his shadow... let me see the silhouette of His grace covering me, Father.